Five Love Languages

Many attendees at one of Jack Canfield's training seminars last year were discussing Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages. Chapman begins with the question: "What happens to love after the wedding?" We know that half the time it devolves into D-I-V-O-R-C-E. 

Chapman argues, as I do in Motivate Everyone and Attracting Romance, that if we learn how to speak our spouse's "love language" and they learn how to speak ours, that love can improve and expand.

Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English
- Gary Chapman

Last Valentine's day I wrote about how to know if you're totally loved. Chapman looks at the need for and the feeling of being loved from another perspective.

The Five Love Languages

  • Words of Affirmation - Tell me you love me with compliments and thank yous.
  • Quality Time - Show me you love me by spending more time with me.
  • Gifts - Show me you love me by giving me little gifts.
  • Acts of Service - Show me you love me by doing things for me.
  • Physical Touch - Show me you love me with a touch or a hug.
How can you tell your spouse's love language? You could take Chapman's Love Language profile to determine your love language, click here. Or you could become an anthropologist and simply notice how they try to show you that they love you. Does your spouse tell or show you? Do they show you with time, gifts, touch or acts of service?

Once you think you know the answer, simply test it by giving back the style of "love" your spouse is giving you. Once they start feeling more loved, you can explain your love language and ask them to give you more of what you want. 

End result? More love and connection, less anger and resentment. It's that simple. 
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