Our 44th president was elected on a campaign message of change. Everyone seemed to embrace this message of change, but admit it, you want someone else to change.
You want your:
- spouse to change
- kids to change
- parents to change
- boss to change
- coworkers to change
But you don't really want to change.
- Unions want management to change.
They want better pay, better benefits and job security.
(Here's a hint: the only group that can do that are delighted customers.)
- Management wants unions to change.
Management wants the union to stop dragging its heels when it comes to simplifying, streamlining and optimizing the business.
But neither side wants to change.
You Have to Want to Change
Many years ago, during my NLP training, I discovered that my spouse didn't need to change; all I had to do was change myself in such a way that she would respond to me in a new and better way. Simple as that.
My daughter didn't need to change. I did. I was the rigid, inflexible one. Kids are always more flexible and resourceful. When I got more flexible in my behaviors and more loving in my approach, guess what: she became a better daughter.
When I worked in the phone company, I discovered that if I changed my approach to a new idea or project, my boss and coworkers would come along without a fight.
In my business today, when I treat my employees with care and respect, they go out of their way to do a better job which means customers are treated better and the business grows.
Whenever I catch myself thinking: "This needs to change or that needs to change or they need to change," I stop and ask myself this:
"What do I need to change about myself so that it will change?"
If you want to see a change, you have to want to change.
More often than not, I found a limiting belief inhibiting my ability to change.
- My spouse won't change because...
- My daughter won't change because...
- My boss won't change because...
It doesn't matter what you put after the word because, because the mind simply assumes that you've got a good reason. Cialdini, author of Influence, studied this and found that simply using the word because improved response. He had people go to the front of a line and say: "Can I cut in line because[some reason]." When they used because, most people let them in. Without the because, almost everyone told them to go to the back of the line.
Any time you hear yourself, your coworkers, or your relatives saying a limiting belief in this form, flip flop it.
"My boss won't change because he/she is to old school."
You say: "How would being old school actually make them more open to change?"
"My spouse will never learn how to invest because she grew up poor."
You say: "How would growing up poor actually make her a better investor?"
What this does is allow you a peek on the other side of the curtain of the limiting belief. It lets you see what's possible, not what's seemingly impossible.
After using these linguistic change tools, if you find the belief is still stuck in your mind, there's a more robust belief change process in Debug Your Mental Software.
Some of us have imprints (lasting mental movies from an earlier time) that restrict our ability to change. A good therapist can help resolve these or read my chapter on Mind Bombs in Debug Your Mental Software.
Some of us have internal conflicts that restrict our ability to change. If you catch yourself or someone else saying: "On the one hand, I want to do one thing, but on the other hand, I want to do something else." That's an internal conflict. When you're conflicted, you will have difficulty moving forward on anything.
There's a conflict integration process in Debug Your Mental Software.
Be the Change You Want to See in the World
If you want a better economy, buy something, invest something, or hire someone.
It's hard to see ourselves clearly, so maybe it's time to hire a coach or therapist or someone who can help rid you of the mental barriers to change.
If you want a more peaceful world, clear a mental path to a more peaceful mind.
If you want a more loving world, be more loving.
If you want a world that changes for the better, start changing yourself for the better.
Here's My Point
Don't expect everyone else to change if you are unwilling to change. It just won't happen.