Motivate Everyone

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Jay Arthur
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KnowWare International, Inc.
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Copyright © 2008

Chapter 3 Achiever - Problem Solver

Some years ago, I boarded a flight from Boston to Denver. I had an aisle seat in the middle of a DC-10. To my right sat a six-year-old girl with long, curly blonde hair. Her mother, a brunette sat to her right. All was quiet until the plane took off.

Then, the little girl started kicking the seat in front of her, gently at first and then with more vigor. I saw the businessman look back and scowl. The girl's mother told her to stop kicking the man's chair. With renewed vigor, the girl started kicking faster and harder.

Having just learned some of the techniques you'll discover in this chapter, I decided to try them out. I turned to the girl and said: "Don't stop kicking that man's chair"...and her little leg swung to a stop. She knew she'd been had, but she didn't know how, so she started kicking again.

I said: "Don't stop kicking that man's chair"...and her leg swung to a stop again. She frowned briefly and then she smiled.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"It's Jay," I said.

"No it's not," she said, her smile growing wider.

I said, "You're right, it's not."

"Yes it is," she said, the beginning of a frown creasing her brow.

"No it's not," I replied.

"Yes it is!" she demanded. "You're name's Jay! Say it."

"Whatever you say," I replied.

By this time, her mother was looking at me with that how-do-you-know-how-to-run-my-child look. The little girl was fine the rest of the flight. Someone had finally understood her.

This is an extreme example called mismatching, but offers many clues into the language pattern of the problem solver. While most books on motivation try to get you to move toward possibilities and opportunities, they miss the 40% of the population that get motivated by avoiding the consequences of action or inaction.

Motivation

The best stimulus for running ahead is to have something we must run from.

-Eric Hoffer

Do you move toward pleasure or away from pain? Pleasure, unfortunately, is often only the promise of a future reward. Pain is much more immediate. Toward people see the glass as half full while the away-froms see the glass as half empty. Which one are you?

Achievers move toward opportunity and possibility. They often create the next step in human evolution, processes, or technology. They can, however, jump too easily into relationships, partnerships, or new ventures without clearly understanding the consequences of their actions.

Problem solvers move away from possible pain. They tend to be better at analyzing and solving problems. They can also create new things by amplifying the consequences of not doing it. They can be motivated to avoid ending up in the same circumstances as their parents or friends. I know some very successful people who get motivated this way! To achieve goals, problem solvers need to periodically refocus on their objectives, not just the consequences.

There is an old story of putting a frog in a pan of tepid water. If you raise the temperature slowly enough, you can literally boil the frog. Away-froms have this problem. If the change in pain isn't different enough, they won't jump into action to change things. Consider cult leaders or abusive partners who start with small indiscretions and increase them slowly to the boiling point.

It might seem logical that toward would be more associated with the future and that away from might be more associated with the past, but people can be motivated toward doing the same thing over and over again.

To influence achievers, use language that talks about the benefits (pleasure) of achieving an outcome. To influence problem solvers, talk about how to avoid the consequences of not achieving the outcome.

Tag Questions

Another way to use both toward and away from language in a sentence is by using a tag question: "Sounds like a good idea, doesn't it? You agree, don't you? That would be a good choice, wouldn't it?" In each case the toward is followed by an away-from tag question.

Family and Friends

On Friday night, my wife and I usually have a conversation about what to do:

"Well," I say, "we could go to a movie or we could go out to eat"

She says: "I wouldn't want to see anything too violent or eat too much."

As you'll learn, my wife and I are about as different as they come when it comes to language patterns. There are two opposing motivation programs concealed in this short dialog. When it comes to Friday night:

Jay             Shirley
Achiever     Problem Solver

My language is outcome-oriented: go, see, eat. Her language is away-from: avoiding the discomfort of violent movies or eating too much. To motivate my wife, all I have to do is figure out what we could avoid by doing what I suggest. I need to use a lot of "not" words: don't, couldn't, wouldn't, etc.

"We wouldn't want to buy a car that costs too much."

"We wouldn't want our daughter to get a bad education, but we wouldn't want to spend a fortune on an out-of-state school. We wouldn't want her to be too far away."

Notice how these two sentences illuminate the possible downsides of a new car or an out-of-state school. Problem solvers can take this kind of language and find optimal solutions. (Both daughters went to instate schools less than 90 miles away.)

To motivate me, Shirley has figured out that all she needs to do is keep talking about the goal:

"Won't the kitchen look nice after it's remodeled?"

The goal: remodel the kitchen. By using the word, after, she's also implying that it will be remodeled, it's only a matter of time. By using the word, won't, she also handles the possibility of being mismatched (like the girl on the airline).

I have discovered that no matter how quickly these outcomes are achieved, she has an endless list, so I have to manage them to no more than one a year.

Understanding Criticism

We tend to dislike criticism because we often perceive it as blame, but most critics only want to avoid the consequences of behaviors. Their intent is positive, but their approach focuses on the negative. They state issues as general judgements about what is not wanted: "We wouldn't want the same sort of problem we had last year."

Business Applications

Perhaps the most frequent application of toward-away rears its ugly head in meetings. Based on Robert Dilt's study of Walt Disney's creativity strategy, there are three main characters in any effective team:

• Dreamers who invent the future
• Realists who bring the dream into reality
• Critics who help avoid all of the associated problems assoicated with the dream or the plan.

Teams invariably become combative and nonproductive when the critic, the devil's advocate, makes statements about potential problems rather than asking questions about how to avoid the problems. The dialogue goes like this:

Critic: "We wouldn't want the same sort of problems we had last year with product X." (The Dreamer and Realist both roll their eyes, because of course we wouldn't want that.)

The Critic's statement is actually a thinly veiled "how" question: "How can we avoid the sort of problems we had last year with product X?" Given this sort of question, the Dreamer and Realist can easily figure out how to adjust the dream and the plan to make the product more robust and reliable. Whenever I facilitate a team, I invariably have to serve as an interpreter between the Critic and the other two. Once I understand the Critic's issue, I turn to the rest of the team and say: "So, you're asking how can we avoid this kind of problem?" And the rest of the team will nod because they finally understand the issue.

For critics to become more effective and likable, they need to learn how to turn criticisms into questions: "How can we avoid the kind of problems the neighbors had?" Better yet, explore the positive intent of the criticism (let's say a sturdy house, instead of termites) and ask: "How can we keep the house strong and impervious to termites?"

If you're a Critic, learn to ask "how" questions: "How can we avoid, eliminate, reduce, or prevent this kind of problem?" The Dreamers and Realists will understand your intention more easily and be able to make the needed changes quickly.

If you're a Dreamer or Realist, become an interpreter. Turn the Critic's statement into a question and check: "So, are you asking how we can avoid, eliminate, reduce, or prevent this kind of problem?" Once the Critic nods in agreement, explain how you will adapt the dream or plan to incorporate the Critic's concerns.

Another common conflict lies between management (toward) and union (away from).

Management: "This will open up new market opportunities."

Union: "Our members won't lose their jobs, will they?"

You might consider learning to speak each other's native tongue: "How will expanding into this market create more and better paying jobs for everyone? How will not expanding into this market cost jobs and profits? How will not restricting the size of our business prevent loss of jobs and simultaneously increase profits and revenue?"

Marketing Research

To research customer patterns, you will want to narrow the situation or context. Ask: What's important to you when you decide to:

• hire a consultant?
• buy a similar product or service?
• take a vacation?

Then ask: "Why is that important?" to gather toward-away information. Do you take a vacation to explore other cultures or to get away from it all? Is it a journey or an escape?

Conclusions

Possibly the greatest drain on creativity and productivity that I find when working with teams is a conflict between the achievers and the problem solvers (critics and devil's advocates). Both are necessary to a successful marriage, partnership, or team. Without achievers there is no direction. Without problem solvers, there are too many mistakes and failures. Consider where and when you'll next be able to use these language patterns to integrate and align these two seemingly opposing forces into one unstoppable, high performance team. Try not to think about the pain you'll avoid and the success you'll enjoy.